Personal updates (I): A place of love

Wow, 8 months, has it been really 8 months since I last posted here?
To be fair, I've had many ideas for blog entries, but I never got around to putting them down.

Some personal updates - I've recently started a new writing/social media job at a production house. I would say, it's quite close to being a dream job because mostly, I get to be on YouTube and social media platforms, and then be creative. The environment is entirely creative - just about anything can become a video or a new show. And you can imagine that this is the most creative lot I've ever been around. I'm not completely confident how well I could do this, but I'm determined to keep doing it.

All day, errday.

The last job I had before this was at a digital media company and I'd say I'm not completely over it. It was the best office environment I've ever been in - so brilliant yet so much love (you know too well that brilliance can breed a lot of ego problems and they usually become toxic). My ex-team members fall over themselves to help each other. If you ever need any kind of assistance, you can barely finish your request before easily, 4-5 people would be on it. I credit such culture to the editor-in-chief, who has become a personal friend and mentor. It's so inspiring to see someone who uses her position of authority to instigate good vibes and invests herself into the growth of her subordinates. Nobody says "no" to her, or speaks ill of her behind her back - out of genuine respect and love. Literally the first boss I've ever met who has that kind of influence.

Leaving that workplace was devastating. Not so much because I loved that job (sure I did, but when it ends, it ends. What can you do? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), but because it was a place of love that was important for me to be in. It's the kind of person that I am, I need to be in an environment driven by love. If I'm not in that kind of environment, I would wilt. I am drawn to love and kindness, to warmth and comfort. On my last day, after everybody had left and it was my time to return the key to the office, I bawled my eyes out (which was inconvenient, because I had a long commute home in a packed train). Unrooting myself from that place made me feel insecure about the world, about myself. Would I get love equal to that in my new place? What if nobody likes me? I mean, I like myself, but I'm never too sure if I'm actually likeable. I don't really care about going out into the world to impress anyone, but at least, I don't need haters. They just make the life a snowflake like myself unnecessarily harder and I avoid them at all cost. 

I cry easily. Don't send help, it's just who I am.

I know that having insecurities is a natural thing. Everybody has it, even the people you didn't think would have it. The most beautiful people, the most brilliant people - they have insecurities because they are only human. Insecurities are one of the most common human motivations. Keep an eye out for that the next time you're trying to understand a behaviour that confuses you. It's important to keep them in check, though - recognise them, acknowledge them and accept them - because if you don't, they are going to consume you, often with regrettable results.

On the new things I'm already learning with the new job, check out Part II. 
(sorry I had to break this up into 2 parts because I don't want it to be too overwhelming).

On to the next part ... xo